More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
