she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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