All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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