Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
