Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
