i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
