oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
