Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
