so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
