Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
