I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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