that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
