It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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