why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it because I queefed?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
