he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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