So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize