Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
