member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize