i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
