Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
