I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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