I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
