I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And then he peed in my hair
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