no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
