Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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