The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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