I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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