A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's never too late to be topless.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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