Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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