Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Randomize
