Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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