What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
