Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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