i need an iv and a liver transplant
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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