You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can I color on your dick again?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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