Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
