I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Mom said you looked used
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
