cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize