I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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