so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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