i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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