i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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