I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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