So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
