so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
