I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
