Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
