glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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