I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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