so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
