Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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