And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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