I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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