i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize