I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
