I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
