I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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