your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
