You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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