He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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