I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
