ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
