And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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