The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
