i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
