Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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