Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
