Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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