At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
