He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
