my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If its not for food we ain't going out.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
