i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
