I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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