She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
