At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I puked a lego.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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