left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
